One Sunday during Children’s Mass online, Fr Terence Kesavan asked us parents to share with our children the story of what God has done for us personally that results in our strong faith in God. So here’s my story (which my children have lived through and are still living through with me daily).
Almost Giving up on Living
In August 2015, I almost gave up on living. I had been feeling exhausted from all the constant activity of renovation works, moving house, running a business, marketing etc.
One night, I just could not sleep. Every time my eyes closed, they would pop open almost immediately and I would be gasping for breath. At 2.00a.m., this thought ran through my mind, “Aiyah! This is so agonising! Just close your eyes and don’t open them. Then this suffering will end. Don’t worry about the children. They can take care of themselves.”
That was quickly followed by, “Girl! Wake up your idea. You still have work to be done.”
This lasted from till 5.00 a.m., when I could finally take it no more and woke my husband up to send me to the hospital (after we dropped off the boys at school, of course)
Something was very wrong with me.
Diagnosed with Heart Failure
The doctors diagnosed me with heart failure. I was only 41, and the news hit me like a bomb. Thoughts running through my head:
I had four young kids to bring up.
What was my life going to be like?
I could hardly walk 20m without gasping for breath and feeling faint. How was I going to keep up with my kids and my work and my other responsibilities? Wouldn’t it be better if I had just stopped breathing altogether and wouldn’t have to suffer the indignity of having to rely on someone else to do everything for me?
Angels as Help
In the two weeks’ of post-hospital recuperation at home (where I was literally confined to bed rest), this was when God comforted me by sending me angels daily.
These angels came in the form of friends who would pop by out of the blue, many of my church community who would call/text me to keep me going with their encouraging words. My children who would huddle in my room after school and hug me so tightly every day, my helpers who would try to make my low-salt, low-fat, low-water diet look interesting, my extended family of aunts, uncles, cousins who would pop by with treats, my brother who visited me every other day or so, and the most loving angel of all, my husband Kevin, who handled all the run-around with the kids and still had the loving energy to give me foot massages every night.
God did another amazing feat for me. He connected me to my extended family of the Kang family which gave me a whole new family to get to know and love.
A Sincere Prayer
In the course of the past 4.5 years, God walked with me throughout my journey to bring my heart back to a healthy level. At the Conversion Experience Retreat in 2016, I petitioned God with, “Lord, please help me to continue to do what You need me to do.”
So, what did God do for me?
The week before the retreat, I had gone for a scan. The week AFTER the retreat, my cardiologist told me that my heart function had been restored to a reasonable level that my heart didn’t need any artificial help to keep it going.
God had HEALED my weak heart! ALLELUIA! Praise the Lord!
THIS is what God has done for me personally that brought me to the realisation that I cannot achieve anything if He is not the first focus of my life. And this is why I BELIEVE and LOVE HIM totally and completely.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not rely on your own insight.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Serving in the Community
Five years on, my life is rich and full with the new work that God has entrusted to me. I am currently leading a Small Christian Community in my Parish. We meet monthly to break the Word using the preceding Sunday readings and share with each other on how the readings have impacted our daily lives. Although the group is seldom bigger than the 9 of us, we draw great strength from each other to keep our faith going.
In my own time, I also volunteer at CatholicSG Radio and serve in my own parish at times. Formation is an important part in our journey as disciples, so I have intentionally make time to grow spiritually. I am often asked this question, “Where do you get the energy and time to do all this?”
My answer is always the same, “God gives me the time and energy I need. He knows what I can do for Him and how I can best serve Him. I just need to be obedient and follow His plan for me, because His plan is always perfect!”
God, our Father has an extraordinary plan designed specially for each of us. All we need to do is to trust and surrender ourselves completely to Him, especially in times when we are worried or anxious that something might not turn out well.
All we need to pray is, “Lord, Help me. I cannot do this on my own. I trust in You and I love You!”