“Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. … and life is worth the living just because He lives.” Yes, I can say this confidently now. But I certainly could not 24 years ago.
My daughter leapt to her death one evening when she was 22 years old. I was devastated and my whole world came to a standstill. I was living in hell. The trauma, the pain, the guilt and shame continued to plague me.
Over the years, I managed to coverup the pain and guilt within me, not wanting to talk about it. I drifted in life – day in, day out – not knowing where I am going and what life has installed for me. Everything seemed so meaningless.
To fill that void within me, I enjoyed in gaming, feasting and holidays. I thought those were the only things life could offer me. However, after that period of temporal enjoyment, I was back to square one. Going to Church was just an obligation. Out of fear, I did the bare minimum to remain a Catholic.
In 2009, after 18 years of my daughter’s passing, tragedy struck again.
This time, it was my husband. He was diagnosed with lung cancer. After battling with the illness for three years, he finally passed on in 2013. I lost the love of my life of 42 years. Another terrible blow, and this was harder to accept.
Everything seemed so grey. First I lost my daughter, and now my soulmate. Depression set in after my husband’s passing. A year later, my other daughter and her family decided to migrate to Canada.
I felt abandoned by everyone. However, hope came when my daughter registered me for the Conversion Experience Retreat (CER) in 2015.
I was reluctant. I thought to myself, “What good can come out of it? I have been to many retreats and healing sessions, yet I am still the same old me.”
But God was still there with me, waiting silently.
It was during this retreat that I encountered Jesus and felt His merciful and compassionate love for me. By His stripes, I am healed. His healing touch has cleansed me of my guilt and sins, and made me whole once more.
Having encountered Him personally, I know I am not alone anymore. I have found my identity – a beloved child of God, wonderfully made in His image and likeness. I now know my purpose in life: to live for Him and others, where true happiness and joy is. It is more blessed to give than to receive. I am grateful to God for giving me this wonderful encounter to experience and to know Him so intimately.
With Jesus as my Saviour and Lord, I am now more confident to take on challenges in life. I thank the Lord for the trials and tribulations that came my way, and it has indeed strengthened me tremendously.
I was lost and now am found. Such amazing grace. Praise the Lord.