I closed my eyes and imagined myself in the scenario. I visualised myself holding the two tablets. The two tablets were like my heart. I imagined God writing on my heart. A life ahead of me to unfold the mystery of what has been written on my heart.
Perhaps I could share with you my journey of how God brought me home. Forgive me for I am not very good in vocabulary. I will use simple words.
I was baptised as a baby at Blessed Sacrament Church but never attended catechism classes.
It began at 14 years old.
One fine day I was at home all by myself, with nothing left in the fridge and an empty wallet. I was desperate to do anything for food. My mother was at work and she usually reached home around 11pm as she worked extra hours to raise me up. There were only two of us living in a 3-room flat.
I searched my drawers and piggy bank hoping I would at least find some scattered $2 notes. Nothing.
At that moment, I heard a voice.
Now, my mother did not raise a fool. I say this because I was definitely conscious of my surrounding. Firstly, there were only two people living in the house. Me and my mother and on that particular day, my mother was working.
The voice said, “Go to Blessed Sacrament Church. I will feed you!”.
At that moment, I was faced with two options – 1) Forget about that voice, stay at home and wait for my mum until she arrives late night 2) Take the risk, strap on my running shoes and run from Clementi to Commonwealth where the Church was located.
It was a big risk because my EZ- link card had not been topped up. So if I were to run to Blessed Sacrament Church, and turns out that there is no food and water, I would probably have to beg for money to get myself back home.
My stomach growled and eventually I was left with one choice –
Take that risk, Listen to that voice and go to Blessed Sacrament Church.
Blessed Sacrament Church
After an hour, I reached Church and was dehydrated and hungrier than before. I entered the main church hall and sat at the front pew. Looking left, right, back and front, there was no sign of people or food. At this age, I had not known anything about my faith or Jesus. All I saw was a huge wooden crucifix above the alter. I felt angry and silly for listening to that ‘voice’.
I looked at the man on the cross. For the first time I spoke to that man and said , “Hey! Did you set me up? Can you talk? Was that your voice I heard? Answer me! I demand to know the truth! Who are you?”
After some time, I realised I was wasting time. I had all the reason to leave church yet something prompted me in my heart to walk towards the priest office.
It was here that everything changed.
A priest came out of his office. He approached me and asked if I would like to share some food with them as they had extras and didn’t want to waste.
At this moment, my jaw dropped. In my heart I was like “Wait a minute! I did not tell anyone I was hungry and had no money! How in the blue moon could he had known? Coincidence or…….. that voice I heard back at home had something to do with all of this?”
I accepted the lunch with an open heart. I asked him how should I address him. His name was Fr Remi. I jokingly remarked, “So you must be the fairy squad mother here!”. We both laughed. Finally, I thanked father for sharing some food with me. I rested for an hour and jogged back home.
The following week, I was hungry again. It was not a weekday but a weekend – Saturday. So I thought to myself that if this voice led me to the Church and fed me then surely this same voice will help me again. I had to give a name for this voice that helped me.
I called the voice “Mr Bread”. Because the lunch consisted of bread, fried tofu, noodle and chicken. When I reached Blessed Sacrament Church, I received a shock of my life. I was not the only one there. There were many youths and adults.
For the first time I prayed and spoke to that voice. I said “Mr Bread man! I am hungry. Surely you wouldn’t let me go home with an empty stomach would you?”
The same voice then said, “Go. Do not fear”.
The operation was a success. I smiled like the grinch and pretended like I knew the youths, grabbed some food, and tactically moved to the Mother Mary fountain and ate the food I stole. (I finished a whole pizza by the way!)
However, little did I realise that few of the young adults were looking at me and wondered who I was and where did I come from. They approached me. I was afraid they might ask me to leave. Instead, the young adults invited me to join a new youth group they were setting up called Youth Alpha.
It was here that the journey began. It was here I met a man who would play a significant role and have an huge influence in my life, especially in the Catholic faith. I chose him to be my Godfather later on as I grew older.
Several years later, I joined RCIA at Novena Church to be confirmed. During the Majodi retreat, I heard that same voice spoke to me and helped me to connect all the dots from the beginning. There was consistency. It was here I received couple of signs to choose the name Moses as my confirmation name because I could relate with the biblical character in many aspects.
Those words “by the finger of God” striked me deeply. I could relate them to my personal encounter of God.
The “finger of God” personally for me means intimacy. This is a God who wants to have a personal relationship with people. God touches everyone in a special way so that they can remember their personal encounter of God in an unforgettable way. That memory is stored and treasured in our hearts. It is a Kairos moment. God steps into our Chronos time. An encounter with the One who writes the Law on our hearts. Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo
To come to think about it, I love the teachings of the Catholic Church. I stand by her side. I love the encyclicals written by the Popes. I trust the Magisterium and the 2000 year old Tradition handed down right from the beginning of the Apostles. After all, to me, the Tradition is not man-made. The Tradition is divinely inspired because the Apostles received it from Jesus our Lord himself. One of my favourite encyclical is ‘Deus caritas est’. It talks about Christian love and I could relate with it. I like how the CCC explains “the finger of God” – The finger.
“It is by the finger of God that [Jesus] cast out demons.” If God’s law was written on tablets of stone “by the finger of God,” then the “letter from Christ” entrusted to the care of the apostles, is written “with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone, but on tablets of human hearts.” The hymn Veni Creator Spiritus invokes the Holy Spirit as the “finger of the Father’s right hand.” (CCC 700).
Loving God, You are unchanging and we can trust in you. Thank you for giving us the freewill to love you. Freewill is the premise for love to grow. Give us the grace to hold onto your love in our hearts. Make all this prayer through Jesus name.
Mother Mary, we pray for our hearts to be open as your heart is. We pray to bear this fruit in our spiritual wombs. The fruit which gives life to all people.