When my marriage ended in a divorce 14 years ago, I was devastated. Festive seasons and gatherings with friends were especially difficult initially as my misery seemed to be magnified in the presence of my happily married friends.
Grief is a painful process. At times, I tried to bury it but it would come back and hit me unexpectedly. Sometimes, it felt as if the pain would never go away. I moved on with my life as best as I could but inside me, I felt as lifeless as a dead branch. As a single mother, the pain was doubled, for I carry a special heartache for my child who has to grow up without a father.
Many times, God was at the receiving end of my grief. I bargained with God to bring my ex-husband back to the family, and when that didn’t happen, I started doubting God’s love for me. I thought God was punishing me for something that I had done in the past, and became despondent and felt unworthy of God. I also felt guilty for failing to keep the marriage that God had blessed.
I no longer feel ashamed of being a Catholic single mother for I am assured of God’s unconditional love for me and my child.
By God’s grace, I chanced upon the Beginning Experience (BE) ministry. After my first BE Weekend, I came away experiencing God’s forgiveness and love. Through that first weekend, and many subsequent ones as a team member, my identity as God’s precious child was restored.
There is no greater gift than to receive affirmation of God’s merciful love during the devastating aftermath of a divorce. I no longer feel ashamed of being a Catholic single mother for I am assured of God’s unconditional love for me and my child.
Through the BE community, I have come to know of many single-again persons who persevere to keep their faith in God in spite of the immense pain that they and their children have gone through.
Today, I have come to accept my divorce. There are still struggles that I have to face as a single mother but I am now more aware of my own strengths that will not be taken away from me just because I am divorced. I trust and know that God is also helping my child through her grief journey just like how He has helped me in mine.