Meeting His Gaze

Meeting His Gaze

We adore You O Christ and we bless You.
Because by Your holy cross You have redeemed the world.

I used to have a close relationship with my mother. I remember coming home from school each day and sharing the events of my day while she was prepping food or doing laundry in the kitchen. Over the recent years, differing views and many occasions of misunderstandings have caused our relationship to strain. Now it seems like we are strangers living in the same house. I have learnt to live a life without her involvement. I know her, yet I do not know her.

I felt prompted to pray for restoration of this relationship with my mum during the vigil after Maundy Thursday mass. Looking at the tabernacle, I desired to meditate on the 4th Station of The Cross, where Jesus met His mother. I do not know the exact words but there was a scene from Passion of The Cross where the eyes of Jesus and Mary met and they gazed deeply into each other.

Be Not Afraid

I felt Jesus inviting me to look deeply into His eyes and not to be afraid of His gaze. Sometimes when I look at myself, all I see is my own unworthiness, but when I gaze into Jesus’s eyes, I am reminded of His deep love for me.

Gaze into my eyes and I will pierce your heart with My love.

I was moved to tears by this truth, that God would pierce and fill my heart with His love, not just for myself but for my mother. This love would strengthen me, and to face the reality of this relationship. As I allowed Him to gaze into my life, I came into the pain that I had been experiencing from the relationship with my mother. And as I gazed back at Him, I knew the truth that I am His child and daughter and that I am precious. There is continual healing in my identity as a daughter of the Lord, especially when I have not experienced true daughterhood from my mother.

Jesus and His mother loved one another deeply. He shared with her His days, His ministry life, His struggles and His opinions. With the Lord’s grace, I prayed for the desire to be vulnerable to my mother, and one day to find the courage to express to her that no matter how strong I am, I desire and hope for her love. I hope I’ll be able to one day, gaze deeply into my mother’s eyes and for my mother to gaze deeply back into mine.

I want to encourage those of us who are struggling in similar situations, to press on with hope, believing that God’s mercy and forgiveness overcomes all things. Nothing is impossible for God. Amen.

Let us be confident, then, in approaching the throne of grace, that we shall have mercy from him and find grace when we are in need of help.

Hebrews 4:16

Marion Thien

Top: Image still from movie “Passion of the Christ”